The Dogs' Letter to Santa

Dear Santa,
I am sorry this letter is coming so late. Mom has refused to let me use the computer lately, and I am not very good with the handwriting. I promise I have been good this year. For example, I haven't biten that darned baby even once (even when Audrey dared me to). In fact, I have enclosed a photo of me with the precious little one. See how friendly I am.

So here's what I want:
1. new bed (mom says mine stinks)
2. meat (any kind will do)
3. bottle of tequila
4. a cat (I have asked for a cat EVERY YEAR. Please do not ignore me again.)

Merry Christmas!

Love,
Stanley


Dear Santa,
I am sorry that Stanley is such a suck-up. He did not enjoy taking that photo with the baby, but he is such a wuss that he wouldn't growl at her like I do. If you growl, mom freaks out and gets the baby out of the way ASAP. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't actually bite the little brat, but that doesn't mean I want her sitting on my back and pulling my ears. I really don't know why she gets so much attention. I used the be the favorite. Anyway, I have been good too. Here's what I deserve:

1. new bed (I don't care that mine stinks, but I am tired of hearing mom complain about it)
2. candy (I like Runts and Smarties the best)
3. a muzzle (for Stanley)
4. meat (I prefer Salt Lick barbeque.)
5. adoptive parents (who will take that ugly kid)

So Merry Christmas, and I apologize in advance if I bite your fat butt when you break into our house. That is my job.

Love,
Audrey